Discussion on the purpose of meaning
by beenworkingonacoktail
Summary: Gin, Byakuya, unidentified life-forms or something of the kind... sort of... Buddy-talks... WARNING! WARNING! PURE CRACK AHEAD!


Title: Dialogue on the purpose of meaning  
Pairings: None. Well, not really  
Rating: PG  
Characters: Gin, Byakuya, unidentified life-forms or something of the kind... sort of...

Summary/Notes: WARNING! WARNING!_ PURE CRACK AHEAD!_

People, don't take this the wrong way, I am not trying to make fun of anyone here (except for myself, eventually; because really, deep deep down, I /am/ a fangirl /sigh/). The whole idea of the fic came to me one day, many months ago, while still being bitten by the _Bleach_ bug. At the time, I'd barely finished the Shinigami arc, and the Arrancar arc had only just begun. Me and Senpai were furiously discussing Gin and Byakuya (she Gin, me Byakuya; and then we switched) in the vain hope of making sense of them. I was also on a crack-writing binge. Now, I have this tendency of being lost in details; and it struck me at one point that I was focusing too much on the revelation (yeah; right) that was Byakushi's past and forgetting the other 98 percent of the info we had on him. I was also fascinated by the various takes people were having on Gin. So this came along. Oh well. The world asked for it, really it did... Didn't it?

And, err... sorry about the formatting. The site wouldn't allow little stars (pffffft) so I had to resort to slashes... /sigh/

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There is a very fine line between the real world and the world of fiction, and no, I'm not talking about the fourth wall. It's wall number four and three eights, through the gauzy fabric of which the characters can sneak a peek at their authors for once. The holes in it are directly proportionate to the plot holes left by the original writers or, if the case may be, fan fiction writers, and as a result various degrees of clarity are achieved by the characters regarding the authors' plans, ideas, states of mind and the various situations to which they, as characters, were, are, or will be subjected.

Now, lend me your imaginations for a while.

Picture this.

There is fog. Lots and lots of fog, so thick you can't cut it with a knife because the stupid blade would fall off and damn near cut your fingers, and we wouldn't want that, would we? So there's fog. Ooooh, and the sound of silence flowing about you (if you were there that is; oh, you already are? My, you travel fast!) creating an eerie feeling and making you wish (whoever you were) that you were back home with grandma and your little pet, drinking tea by the stove. Or whiskey by the fridge, whichever comes first. Right, so there's fog and there are sounds, and right yonder, over this little 10 metre square universe, there are lush meadows and the sun is shining, and all around you there are rivers of honey and milk and even liquid chocolate, and little birdies fly around tweeting their little hearts out (notice how everything is "little"? Yes? Okay, just checking).

And right over this world there's The Place. Now, The Place is where you want to be. It's where all the cool characters (cats or non-cats) hang out. Every character that's ever been written and/or scrapped, and ever will be, spends his or her (or its, incidentally) time here, in whatever type of universe their hearts might desire. It's a wonderful existence, and it should be, because nine times out of ten they're not actually here, but on whatever escapades various little (or not so little) authors have planned for them. Several escapades. Simultaneously. And that's not so pretty.

Now, direct your gaze westwards. Over the bushes and behind the flowing water (it's a simple world, for simple tastes; calm, serene, elegant and above all relaxing) there are two figures resting casually on the soft grass, admiring the scenery and having a nice little chat. For the sake of our (my? your?) amusement let us assume that they are discussing… why, us, of course! Now hush and listen, and careful not to make a sound – I did smuggle you in here against all existing rules of logic, and I'd rather not get caught, savvy? Okay then.

/there are the gentle sound effects of a fade in flowing on the breeze/

"Do you think They will ever realize that we are actually aware of their every thought?"

"Saa… I don't think they will… Let's not let them know, ne?" /eye twinkle/

/imperceptible sigh/

"Come, come, Byakuya-bou, you know you're having fun!" /eye twinkling continues/

"Kindly refrain from calling me that. You know as well as I do that no-one actually does."

"Ah, but it's so _cute_ (/imperceptible eye-twitch from person sitting next to him/) and can I help it if They popularized it so much?"

"We can help very few things as far as They are concerned /very, _very_ slight suggestion of the beginnings of a growl/"

/Abrupt discarding of almost all well beloved and applied mannerisms, speech patterns and general IC-ness on both their parts in order to fully express their abused-character-disapproval/

"Oh, shut up. You must admit They make me go through many more things than They make you go through, Byakuya my friend. At least in your case They've decided what type of person you are-"

" –stereotyped me, you mean- "

"- me? I switch from evil deranged traitor to spy in disguise to afraid-of-death minion incapable of making one decision for himself to criminal mastermind that will turn the tables even on the ones turning the tables in the first place, from one hour to the next, and let's not even _speak_ about what They have me do to poor Izuru-chan… it's a miracle that boy's still living… It's a miracle _I'm_ still living, considering what They have Aizen-taichou do to _me_."

/imperceptible Kuchiki pause™/ "You, at least, They analyse and give serious thought to. Me, They swoon over."

"I'd rather be swooned over, myself." /mischievous grin/

"You mean you're not?"

"Oh, but I am, just…not in the same numbers as you" /you could actually see the :p in his face, even if it wasn't there/ "Also, the ones swooning over me are mostly… strange…" /Gin's eyes shift. Now this _is _actually visible, for obvious reasons. Also, his grin seems to slip. A little/

/Impossibly, Byakuya looks morose for a moment/

"I mostly get fangirls."

/Impossibly, Gin gasps. In _non_mock horror/

"The bad ones. The ones that have originally given fangirls their bad name"

/Gin almost, almost opens his eyes in shock/

"And while they're busy swooning and proclaiming me their- " /actual visible shiver!** (Gasp!**)/"**-**_fave_**-**" /shocked intake of breath from person sitting next to him. You can feel the mad terror in the air/ "- for no other reason, they not only overlook the main things that make me who I am to focus instead on the details, but they actually think themselves _insightful_ for it. And proud to have figured me out, too."

/dismayed pause from Gin. Then, with _actual_ visible (well, audible) concern -/

"It can't be _that_ bad."

/Byakuya composes himself with admirable ease and speaks/

"Gin, my friend. My zanpakutou, a reflection of myself, turns into a thousand incredibly fast incredibly sharp blades that just happen to kill beautifully, so that being shredded to bits by them should be considered an honour and a sight to be seen, even as you're lying in a pool of your own blood, struggling to draw a final breath. I am the only captain from the side of Good ever to turn against their own vice-captain-"

/extension of Gin's index finger in a may-I-remind-you-type-movement/

"-and Yoruichi doesn't count, she'd already turned rogue, and she didn't actually hurt Soi Fong, now, did she?"

/retraction of said index finger in almost meek-like fashion /

"Furthermore, I almost _killed_ him-'

"_Almost_ being the operative word-"

/best Kuchiki glare™/ /Gin lets go of subject/

"-almost _killed_ him, with no particularly discernable reason, might I add, completely disregarding the effect that his death, especially by _my_ hand, would have had on my poor sister, said sister to whom I'd previously shown very little affection. Add to that the fact that I generally show too little emotion to even be _considered_ a functional human being-"

/another extension of above-mentioned index finger/

" –don't start, Gin- "

/another retraction of above-mentioned index finger, exchanging the meek-like fashion with mischief instead/

" – and you'd _think_ they'd see me as the killing machine I was born and bred to be. Instead, They throw a difficulty-of-choice theme on me and leave it at that, then dig from the shadows a gushy, warm, fluffy center beneath all the masks and make me almost… loveable! /Gin almost twitches. He restrains himself quite well. For he is Gin/ You'd _think_ they'd realize that, as a successful Kuchiki Head-"

/beginnings of a snicker/

" –don't _start_, Gin!- "

/snicker dies down, but doesn't actually go away/

" – I would be able to make a quick and final decision, but that doesn't once cross Their idle minds. And sure, there is humanity under all the ice-cubes, but that's not all I am! And since you mentioned orientations, while your preferences _could_ be debated upon-"

"HEY!"

"-seeing as there was no _actual_ tangible proof of your relationship with Matsumoto that They could see, _I_ am known to have been married, and to have loved my wife so much that I went against my whole family to marry her and am still mourning her loss even fifty years since. Knowing all this, _revelling_ in this as They drown me in angst, why oh why would They peg me as gay? And chasing or being chased by Renji of all people, what with the trying to kill him and thinking him unworthy of breathing the same air as me and so on. "

"Well, that could be because of all the sakura-"

"Gin. We're Japanese. _Everything_ revolves around sakura. And with me breathing nobility, aristocracy and the like wherever I go, it would have been strange if sakura hadn't been there, wouldn't you say?"

/Gin blinks. How he does so without actually opening his eyes is immaterial, and attainable only by him/

"You have a point."

"Of course I do." /Byakuya successfully overcomes the instinct to primly dust imaginary dust from his beautifully flowing sleeves. He is, after all, a Kuchiki/

"Say…"

"Hm?"

"Why _did_ you almost kill your vice captain?"

/Byakuya stares off in the distance. And stares. And stares. And stares. And-/

"I'm still figuring that out, actually."

/Gin successfully overcomes a very strong compulsion to gulp and let his grin slip completely in the process. He is, after all, Gin/

/completely out of the blue, both men turn their heads to the right. Sharply. You can feel the tension climbing- /

Ooooookay, I think they've spotted us. That's our cue to skedaddle, and I suggest you do so. Now. No really. Run for your life! Do you realise what they'd do to you if they caught you!? Haven't you been listening at a- /gaaaaaaaaah/

/abruptly, there is silence/

/mad cackling can be heard in the distance, but only if you know it's there/

/slowly, slowly, the light dwindles and-/

FADE OUT

The End

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End file.
